Merry Christmas. I sit in the shambles of a room (backlash from a last-minute cleaning binge--why does cleaning only make it worse for me?) waiting either for the need to sleep or the sun to rise (on this day only, either is acceptable behavior with my family)and ponder. And as I ponder, thought turn away from my aches and pains and problems and the world is still and I allow myself to actually wish the best for others. Throughout the year I am a jackass to other people—partly because of my Autism Spectrum issues, partly because it's required of me for various reasons, to various people. I'm a jackass to my family because it's the only way to get them to acknowledge me as anything other than the 5-year-old kid they seem to think of me as. I'm a jackass to my friends' family because, whether they ask for it or not, having a jackass enforcer uncle to the kids makes the parents' lives just a little smoother. I'm a jackass to my friends because they wouldn't recognize me otherwise, besides which, it's needed in my role as GM. I'm a jackass to strangers because, well, a lot of them deserve it. But here at three-o-clock in the morning I think of the reasons I celebrate Christmas, of my love and gratitude for he whose birth I extol on this holiday, and just this once, I can say clearly and without guile that I wish the very best to all of those who are reading this and even those who aren't.
And then the moment passes. I hope you enjoyed it, because you aren't likely to see it again anytime soon.
Please excuse me now. I have knives to sharpen.